Keeping Life Classy :)

strong-est:

My Story.

Tomorrow is 3 months clean from cutting myself.. I am proud but still tempted.

I decided to share my story…

I started cutting about 3 years ago after my brother who at the time was using drugs decided to punch me in the face and throw me into the middle of street all because I was trying to stop him for using drugs, I got in his way of getting high.

But that wasn’t my first time cutting, I cut after my ex boyfriend who abused me, but I only cut about 4 times and was not bad at all.

It was after what my brother did that to me that I refused to see a therapist because I always needed to because of the life I have. I grew up with a handicap father who suffers from Multiple Sclerosis. I grew up at a very young age I was always taking care of him. I was always thinking I had to be so strong for my family, I was never being strong for myself.

After the incident with my brother, I just didn’t even kow how to deal any more, I went bought a blade and started cutting myself. I let it got out of hand and it became an addiction, an addiction that I just couldn’t get enough of. Every time I was upset, mad, or just bored I would cut. 

I hid it from my family, friends, and boyfriend. The wonders of what viatmin e oil and scar medication can do. It was so easy to hide it. But this summer my addiction took a turn for the worse. After my cousin killed himself in June, it opened my eyes to suicide more then ever. I felt that if he could end it all, why couldn’t I?

I started cutting deeper then usual, and more often. I was letting it take over my life. September came and my depression was just getting worse, I took the big step and I came clean. I told my family, friends, and boyfriend. I told them I need help, that if I don’t get help I won’t even care if I cut too deep, it didn’t matter.

I started seeing a therapist within a week, and it felt great. I was always keeping to myself, I still do. I have built these walls up that I just don’t want to let people in, I am scared. I have social anxiety at times, and I have very low self esteem.

I then went out and got “Stay Strong” tattooed on my wrists as a reminder that I can be strong. I stayed clean up until October all the way through November 23.. that’s when I decided it has to be over for good.

Now here I am 3 months clean, it feels great. 

(via disaste-r)